In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
