I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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