I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
