i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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