but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
