There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
