Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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