i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
