My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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