Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
