Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
not ubering you a puppy
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
