I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
