glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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