So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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