HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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