can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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