It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize