Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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