I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dude. I can hear the air.
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