Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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