Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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