I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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