whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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