I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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