You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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