I can feel you judging me through the phone.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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