Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
