your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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