You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
