yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
