Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
