3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
