Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
