My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
FUCK WHALES
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