my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
