How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
