I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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