she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
