Nicole vs. Life
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
