I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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