She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
