Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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