my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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