Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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