She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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