Where did you get a picture of my penis
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
