The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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