forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
