Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
