ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
