I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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