can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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