i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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