Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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