My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
