seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
