i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
