That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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