On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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