Well apparently he's into motor boating.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
