Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to calm my uterus...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
