I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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