:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
