you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
