Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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