either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
