my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
