You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
