I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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