you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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