Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
