Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
