I hate all girls vehemently.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
