Is it normal to miss your booty call?
look no pants
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
