I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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