My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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