Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
