So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Damn victory sex feels great
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
